Out of Control…
Life, results, achievements…sometimes we simply are not in control. What you get is what you get.
This thought process – this acceptance of only controlling so much in life – it’s a learning process. It’s humbling.
I’m trying to accept surrender to the unknown and simply focus more on the now. Because right now I can choose to be present. To see joy. And to find happiness in what I have and not necessarily what I want or hope to achieve. And the bonus of focusing on now is that it distracts me from the past. What I didn’t get or what I didn’t achieve. That’s another form of surrender and acceptance. More humble pie.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not being pessimistic…or feeling defeated.
I am trying to speak the truth to my heart so it will sink in and feel ok.
And I stand in a different reality right now from many others…but only in the awareness that life simply is whatever it is. My life path has taken some major twists and turns. Some amazing, unbelievable successes in love and business, and now some eye-opening disasters with the death of an infant and then infertility. Things that can crush a soul’s will. I am swaying between these experiences. Life’s wins and losses.
In this unpredictable storm, I can only make daily choices now that I hope will create the outcome I desire in the future. To think that my hard work will necessarily “work out”, “pay off” or “achieve success” would be rather silly after facing death and the truly unpredictable. I have learned that I am not in charge.
So we are hoping to adopt while actively planning to move to Nairobi for the next year. The adoption may happen – or not. We are not in control here. We will do our best. We will try our damnedest. We will rent our house, buy tickets and explore Kenya. That is our plan. It may fluctuate a bit but our adventure awaits.
Perhaps the waiting is the hardest. But in the meanwhile, I will focus on the now. The present. I will try to fully engage and enjoy what I have. An amazing daughter, a loving husband, a strong community with those I love, and time. I will simply indulge in the time that I have right now.
Life, results, achievements…sometimes we simply are not in control. What you get is what you get. And that’s not all bad if you look around…